Things I’d like to tell the me I was before I had my babies

 

1 – Park the body angst. You will not believe how amazing your body is at carrying bruiser babies, delivering them then feeding them…so easy on the love handles. Your body is about to perform miracles so don’t mind the extra inches here and there.

 

2 – Unfortunately you can’t bank sleep so in order to best prepare for what’s to come, set an alarm for every 45 mins during the night. Also remember to check if alarm is still breathing repeatedly during the night. Sniff alarm for dirty nappy. And see if alarm will take dody.

 

3 – Do not scoff at any child with a dody no matter what their age. If you see an 18 year old walking down the street with a soother, presume they are teething, getting their wisdom teeth, coo at them in sympathy and walk on. There will be days when you’ll want a dody yourself.

 

4 – Though you now think it’s gross, you will soon be one of those mothers who continually kisses their son on his lips. Even when he has a runny nose. The toddler will start to refuse, and so the new baby takes most of the heat as a result, and is barely allowed to come up for air in between kisses.

 

5 – Your clothes will never be clean again. Worse, you’ll leave the house feeling like a total ride if there’s only ‘a bit’ of baby sick on your left shoulder.

 

6 – Trimming a baby’s finger nails requires the same level of skill as performing open heart surgery.

 

7 – It’ll take your baby 6 months to say Dada but 18 to say Mama. It’ll be worth the wait.

 

8 – Just thinking of how cute your babies are will produce involuntary tears in traffic, in the ladies, at work etc. Though this is also the same response when you think about how long it’s been since you slept for eight hours in a row.

 

9 – You will want to punch anyone who tells you how tired they are. Especially if you’re married to them.

 

10 – When both your babies are finally asleep AT THE SAME TIME, instead of passing out with exhaustion, you’ll look at videos of them on your phone. Because as every mum says to their own, they’re the best little boys in the world.

Karen Koster

Karen Koster is the anchor of Ireland's primetime entertainment news show, Xposé which is broadcast on TV3 every weekday. She is currently on maternity leave after welcoming her second child, JJ (John James), on February 29th this year. She is also mum to Finn, who was born on New Year’s Eve 2014.

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